“Just” A Stay-at-Home Mom?
Someone was recently thrown aback by a father who (not knowing her) made a statement in conversation about how he did not want his daughter to be “Just a stay-at-home Mom”. So I ask you, why, we as a society do this to our “stay-at-home” Moms? Why do we say “JUST” a stay-at-home Mom? Why is there no greater value placed on the people who are raising our next generation of doctors, lawyers, fathers, and yes, mothers?
This has been something I have dealt with for a long time. By the age of 22, while my friends from high school were still in college and living it up, I was married with a house, minivan and baby. That was my choice and I owned it. I was very happy doing so, but I had to find a new set of friends who understood where I was at that moment in time. Now, all those high school “friends” have babies that are close in age to Ava (2-4) as their first babies, and I have my “resident amazon”, Chloe at the age of 11. When Chloe was younger I had a friend who worked full time. I remember often feeling slighted by her comments in reference to her working, and me not, or to the fact that her child was and would be more well socialized because of day care than Chloe would. It hurt to have someone whom was supposed to be on my side, taking off handed digs at me instead. I am not sure if she ever knew what she was doing or not, because I never told her. I felt as though she made judgments about myself and Chloe because we had not chosen the same path, but I never stood in judgment of her as I feel each person/family makes the choices that work for them and that are right for them. I don’t feel mothers should have to stay home, or that homeschooling is for everyone, that is just what has been right for us along the way.
It is a pity that our culture devalues the role of motherhood. As mothers, I believe our self-image could be totally altered if we could hold our chins up high, and say, “I am a mother.” Even as I wrote that I wanted to write “just a mother”. Which tells a story in itself about how downgraded our role is! We are seen as second class to a lawyer, a doctor, a school teacher, anything that is considered work, or paid work.
The truth is the role of “mother” or “stay-at-home mother” is an extremely important role for the emotional health and well being of our children. Which is not to say that you cannot be a good mother if you are working, because I don’t believe that is the case either. This belief in the “stay-at-home” mother as well as the value of the family unit, has rung true for Joey and I over the years. We have a very strong belief that a good chunk of the downward spiral in our society is the lack of a strong family unit; from having a full time parent at home, to having both parents together, and committed not only to each other, but to their family. The divorce rate alone is a large indication of the lack of value we place on commitments and the family unit. The divorce rate in America is more than 50%, which means one in two couples will break up.
According to Enrichment Journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%.
In the end all that matters is how I see/feel about myself and my roll in this world. I am “Just” a stay-at-home Mom, and I know that my job is honorable, respectable, noble, and worthy of honor. My job description encompasses more than most, and the people that depend on me are more important than the President. I am, in no particular order: nurse, chef, secretary, accountant, mediator, janitor, activities coordinator, teacher, personal shopper, supervisor, maid, taxi driver, laundry service, cheer leader, counselor, hair stylist, wife, friend, mother, and so much more, all rolled in to one strong, capable, worthwhile human being. I am “JUST” a stay-at-home-Mom with all the value, honor, respect and importance that my title embodies.
October 17, 2010 @ 10:38 am
I always wonder the same WHY is today’s society so hard on Stay-at-home mothers????I did the same like you after high school I married and then had a baby,I didn’t want to hang out at clubs and sit at home by myself,I had a dream of being a mother and I wanted the FULL PLEDGE of doing that from home.
I am going to spread the word from your blog(if that is okay)I to have had many comments that is what you really do?DUH,that is what I really do and it is a blessings to be raising my child without daycare or the public school.
Blessings
October 17, 2010 @ 2:33 pm
You may certainly spread the word from my blog. I would love to hear what others experiences have been and what their thoughts are.
October 17, 2010 @ 3:50 pm
I chose to give up a secretarial position at Kodak (today this position is referred to as office manager) to stay home and raise our children. Once my youngest, Heidi was in school I obtained a job as teacher aide in the high school for special ed students. As teenagers goes my children were not always so happy that I was working in the high school because and I quote, “we can’t get away with anything”. I have never regretted staying home, giving our children the benefit of parents who love each other, and were invested in their children’s lives. One thing I would add to what’s been said is that our country was started on Christian beliefs. As the years have passed, more and more individuals have been fighting to leave God out of our lives. Because of that I believe as a society we have given Satan a strong hold/influence which continues to bring more evil upon us as nation.
In the Old Testament book of Habakkuk the prophet was crying out to God. The Babylonians were rising to power and soon the 70 years of captivity would begin. The following is what Habakkuk opened up with. Read his following words and I think you would agree that we could be reading this in our newspapers today: “How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.”
The Lord Answered Him: “Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.”
Habakkuk had faith proven character even though devastation was fast approaching. This is what he said: “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”
The Lord appeared to Solomon after he had finished the temple of the LORD and the royal palace. This is what the Lord said to Solomon and this is what I pray for myself, my family, and
for all of us as a nation: 2 Chronicles 7:14 “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
October 17, 2010 @ 7:11 pm
Heidi, it is funny that you should post this today, because I was driving home from church thinking about you. While I am grateful that i am following my dreams, I miss the days of being a stay-at-home mom, and being fully present to my children. I am grateful that I can continue to homeschool while I am in grad school and plan to continue even after going back to work full-time, as I have a supportive spouse who is also a great stay-at-home parent when he can be.
I loved the days when I was home full time and I totally agree with everything you said!! You are an amazing mom and I admire you so much.
October 19, 2010 @ 3:37 pm
I just hopped over to this blog and found a related article, only adding the Homeschool piece into the mix as well. http://heartsathomeschool.blogspot.com/2010/10/sahm-and-hs-opposers-i-got-something-to.html
October 19, 2010 @ 4:48 pm
Heidi,
Great post!!! You rock!!! Thanks for including my blog in your comments. I will do so with your post too.
Tracy
April 12, 2011 @ 10:25 am
Great post!! And, thank you!! I needed the encouragement 🙂
I’m with you 😉 I believe we’re all called to be where we are, whether that means a workplace or home or homeschooling. There are people we each can touch. I heard a wise woman say, “You will be a success no matter your vocation, if you: 1. Love the Lord will all you are, 2. Love others.” I think that’s what it boils down to. No matter your calling/path/journey/whatever-you-wanna-call-it, do it for God’s glory.