Competitive vs. Non-Judgmental Parenting
Over at Making the Moments Count, Amber recently posted about Competitive Parenting. Which led her to starting a notion called “Non-Judgmental Parenting”. I would not have known about this except for that fact that it struck a cord with my friend Shana and she posted about it at her blog, A Queen Among Kings.
Her (Amber’s) concept of Non-Judgmental Parenting comes out of her unhappiness with how competitive parents can be. Whether it is about co-sleeping, attachment parenting, stay-at-home vs. working parents, breast feeding vs. formula, etc. etc., it seems as though we all feel we must take a “side” and make it “my way or the highway”. I have always found that type of attitude to be destructive to all involved. Just because I am able to and choose to be a stay-at-home parent, that does not mean it is right for all and that everyone should be doing it. Some are unable financially, some just feel they are better served being a working parent. Who am I to determine what is right for others?
I, like I am sure all of you have, come across this type of attitude in more than one area of my life. From the fact that I stayed home from the moment Chloe was born, to my decision to homeschool in recent years, I have heard more than enough scrutiny, not only from strangers, but from people close to me as well. I often wonder if the constant judgment from other led me to be a person who has often taken a stand for what I choose, as well as for the right of others to do the same. My often used saying is, “There is a reason why there are …….24 Crayons in a box, so many religions in the world, careers to pick and choose, parenting styles to adopt,” and so on.
This has been my model in life and the one I try and set for my children. “You need to do what is right for you. That does not make it right or wrong, just what is right for you. Others need to pick what works for them, and even though it may be different from what we choose, that doesn’t automatically make it wrong.”
Amber closes her post, with a very similar sentiment:
“We are all different, this means that we are also different parents. What works for me may not work for you. And that is okay. The important thing is that my, and your, children are well nourished–emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. How we make this work is dependent on our individual personalities.” -Amber
So as you go forward from here, I urge you to stop and think twice about the attitudes you promote and take on towards others. We all could use a little more support, and encouragement, and a LOT less judgment, discouragement and negativity!
January 3, 2011 @ 1:45 pm
I, of course, love this post and have always admired you for your non-judgmental attitude towards mine (and others’) parenting…you are truly an inspiration and I appreciate your support!
January 3, 2011 @ 11:50 pm
First, I am so grateful to meet two new and wonderful people (you and Shana).
Second, I am so very happy you will be participating. Truly, a community of parents supporting parents is what I ultimately imagine; even if it’s only in my tiny corner of the world.
Third, I look forward to reading your future posts on this and other topics!
January 4, 2011 @ 9:03 am
Amber, your view on this topic is so refreshing, I find all to often that people are too harsh with each other. I am happy to have found this and looking forward to reading others posts that stem from your Non-Judgmental Parenting.
January 4, 2011 @ 12:24 pm
Great thoughts! It’s so wonderful to hear a view like this (which I completely agree with) rather than “you’re not doing things like me so it’s wrong” which I have seen unfortunately all too often around the blogosphere. The Non-Judgmental Parenting notion sounds wonderfully supporting!
January 4, 2011 @ 1:02 pm
Can I get a Whoop..whoop?
January 4, 2011 @ 11:00 pm
I have always said the same thing. What works for me, may not work for you. We all have to do what is best for our family! Thanks for joining in the Hop!
March 21, 2013 @ 3:48 pm
Thank you for this terrific post! I will sometimes get a response that isn’t so much “you’re not doing things like me so it’s wrong” but more “you’re not doing things like me so you must be saying that what I’m doing is wrong”. My choosing my own path as a mom is in no way a criticism of anyone else’s parenting choices! I’m just doing what I feel is the best thing for these little individuals in my care – which is different than what might be right for the little people in someone else’s care. Our kids are all lovely, unique individuals, so we each develop our own parenting style to fit their needs.